Why are people here creating scenarios that arent in the letter? I dont doubt that Sure Baby, I love you. Its a sad situation when an unplanned pregnancy happens between two individuals that arent committed to each other, let alone two individuals who actively dislike each other. Landygirl, I think we should stop feeding the trolls. I dont owe them a relationship just because we have the same DNA. Its a double standard. Also, it implies that using a condom prevents pregnancy. She says she thinks shed like to keep it. Medications interfere with birth control, not taking it at the same time and whole other host of reason why she could have legitimately gotten pregnant on birth control. Can I interject for a moment and note that CUSTODY isnt generally whats tied to support; PLACEMENT is. But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. You seem too whiny for most womens taste. Get tested for an std too because your love obviously did not use a condom. I must respectfully disagree with you. While I realize that this is a stressful situation, your letter indicates that you will always harbor resentment for this child and this woman who will be in you and your boyfriends lives FOREVER. You don't say how long you have been together, but there's a reason that you broke up with him then. The way I figure, he can go ahead and have unprotected sex all he wants but I still maintain its a bad idea. He should have taken more precautions. God, Im so glad someone else thought of that word when reading this letter because Ive used that word exactly three times in my life as an insult, and yet I couldnt quit thinking it. I wouldnt be single again for all the tea in china. SweetsAndBeats If your dead-beat ex wants know part that is HIS decision. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. That could very well be true I just tried to answer the letter as if whatever the LW said had some truth to it (like that the other woman was having the baby to purposely lure the guy into a relationship with her, etc.) Sorry to be so long-winded but it happens sometimes. I completely agree. I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. This guy, you can most definitely live without. If a pregnancy results after you do the very thing you know can cause pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself and whining about your lack of choices or the burden of what you must now do is unproductive and frankly, a little too late. You deserve that label for attacking a woman that you dont even know, for trying to blame her for sperm-jacking your loser boyfriend and for suggesting that she is trying to trap him. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. Because he should have known she could have gotten pregnant! You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. It was unplanned and a . In the state I live in, you can leave a baby (or even child I think) in a church or hospital if you do not want the child and you will not get in any trouble for it. I had no idea most women hated it. They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. When I was young, but old enough to ask, my mom always told me that my biological father just wasnt ready to be a daddy. Your boyfriend is a scumbag and you should probably not have anything to do with him. i completely agree, it is both parties responsibilities to make sure they are preventing pregnancy AND stds. The female of the species carry the offspring. No. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? Run. Painted_lady God knows the mother of this child will have no choice but to do that. As for not wanting anything to do with her or her child, Im guessing that is momentary anger directed at her, not the child. That my life revolves around this so called love of mine?? Im not saying it doesnt happen, but I find it hard to believe that people who dont take care dont get pregnant and every unwanted pregnancy is always the product of birth control failure. And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. However, its your choice whether or not to get back together with him. Takeoff Shot in Head and Torso, According to Coroner Report, Aaron Carter Pulled Over On Suspicion Of DUI While Driving RV. And with that said, he should confirm the woman is indeed pregnant and get a paternity test when the child is born. & he tells me now, the mother agreed to take the child & look after the child, & he will leave the baby mama for me, because he loves me. First of all, it can take a bad psychological toll on someone who doesnt want to have it in the first place. Males who have been RAPED still have to pay child support. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. Its Gone Downhill. If there was a child at conception, abortion would be murder. April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. Your dad of course has had 25 years of having a daughter and being a grown up to teach him to have more sense. So tough shit. I dont know. That base of support is crucial for serving the child best. It can pick up cells from a previous ejaculation, but peeing flushes them off. He wants nothing to do with his own child. But, yet, again you let him back and hoped things would change and he would be with you. I think what you are trying to explain are the two types of custodyover the person and over decision making for the person. Its not a comparable situation at all. just as she has the responsibility not to lie. Whatever. His? Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. I know that everyone is focusing on that, but I think that the response would have been the same even if the LW had acknowledged this. iseeshiny So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum?. He could have been one of those unforunate souls that DID protect himself, even with the womans added protection, and it still resulted in a child. she's a real bitch. But I almost laughed out loud when I read untrappable. He knows how to make a baby, and he knows how to avoid making a baby. So, if you insist that men create children, or even assist in such a thing, you are some kind of slimy pro-lifer meddling in the affairs of independent women who need men like a fish needs a bicycle. If you were thinking about breaking up with herthe pregnancy might be a trap. April 10, 2012, 5:35 pm. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. But if its not, ITA with Amanda, LW. Then, after giving him an ultimatum to get it together or lose you, you felt it best to move away and hoped he would run after you. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. Exactly where is there a grown-up here? And Im also not passing judgements on him based on my preconceived notions about how the conversations went down. Fortunately, its a well known fact that theres no 100% guarantee with birth control. Yes, no birth control is perfect, blah blah. He found someone relatively fast and quick, and jumped in the bed with her. I might disagree to a minor degree with some of your points although, re-reading your reply, I dont really think so but thats a great summary, and also completely out of place in this thread because its so rational. That is what passes for reality in your world? bittergaymark LW, your anger is misdirected. If you dont like someone (as a fellow human being), dont have sex with them. Just sayin there are options, oral being only one of them. And since shes the one with the baby in HER uterus, theres not a whole lot you can do to force her to have the abortion or stop her from doing so. If the other woman decides to have the baby, her now boyfriend will be liable for child support, which will significantly impact his finances (and their finances if they marry for the next 18 years. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. He wants nothing to do with her OR the baby? Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. I recommend you seek individual therapy and process your feelings. He wasnt in a relationship with the LW at that time, and had no expectation that they would get back together. 5) What bothers me more than anything is the LWs attitude. For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. Fair or not, the facts are what they are. I got angry because it's something he should have told me. never again! And I called him out on condom use because truly that should be something we all think about when having non-monogamous sex EVEN if the woman is taking another form of birth control. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. The problem is not the other woman, the problem is your man and how you are responding to everything. TheQuietOne My Spidey sense is tingling that this could be a fake. reader, Maaeexo+, writes (11 November 2010): A But anyone who consents to sex and is then furious at their sex partner when a baby is the outcome is an idiot. Not your body, not your choice. bittergaymark If you are sure to always love, support, and listen to your child, he/she will be just fine! His girlfriend got pregnant, they got engaged, realized they didnt work as a couple, they decided it was in the best interest of the child if he was not a part of her life in any way, shape, or form, and so he signed some legal documents waiving all parental rights to the child, which absolved him of any responsibility to provide child support. Of course we have a right to an opinion, even if our opinion is that dirty sluts shouldnt breed. If he didnt get tested prior to running back to the LW then yes, he did expose her to STDs. How the heck do you administer THAT?! It takes a man to be a father. Chuck Pelto The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. Theyre young but are certain that theyll be together forever. April 10, 2012, 6:21 pm, And yet men still keep having sex with us. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. PS. He has an obligation to any future sex partner to keep himself clean. Just a suggestion for your scumbag boyfriend. Im arguing that he should be able to get out of the responsibility in the same way that a woman can get out of that responsibility. Youre right, what your life has become isnt fair- to anyone involved. April 10, 2012, 5:06 am, Still, itd be nice if so many women werent so often so shamelessly dishonest about this, wouldnt it? Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. I just think its extremely scumbag-ish to want nothing to do with your child, no matter how it was conceived. And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. Her body, her choice, he had NOTHING to do with it. So sad that anyone would think its even necessary to implement such a system. an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration.. Talk about malarky. 12, 14, and 16 year old girls are statutorily raped, too, and their rapists? You deserve each other! Is it Dear Wendy gender wars with the emotional females leaping to conclusions and bullying the open minded fair males who dare to object to name-calling and double standards? I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). And there are many things that can happen that make it even less effective, like forgetting a pill, taking antibiotics, etc. Theres no statement suggesting that he tried to browbeat the woman into getting an abortion. If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. She came first. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. This is not unlike telling women that they cannot have an abortion in that it forces parenthood when it neednt be forced. You bolster my case by agreeing that he can share responsibility with the mother or simply provide support but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. Merely that it is an immense expense for the man for a situation that he didnt want a situation which, as I said, the woman is never forced to endure. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. Maybe she IS trying to entrap him. Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? April 10, 2012, 7:09 pm. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. He cant be irresponsible and fail to take every reasonable effort to avoid pregnancy (doubling up on BC and using condoms, getting a vasectomy, or only having sex with women he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt also do not want to bring children into the world), and then act surprised and angry when it happens anyways. Funny, he only came back to you after he found out the other girl was pregnant. Does that change the situation as all? But this doesnt mean that hes not scum. Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. (And a hint- if your boyfriend is as much of a mess as this letter makes him seem, its not- no matter how much of a mess you are). Having placement, on the other hand, does, and what Im saying is that when it comes down to where are the kids going to stay, in situations where everything else is equal, the default position is still with the mother in most courts, with the fathers visitation dependent on how close to equal the two parents are. I would also ask him to get an STD test because he had unprotected sex. iseeshiny Its like people that think women become foster parents for the money. If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. And if so, Im ready. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. Hes a real winner. Its not the situation, but the way its written. Steve Kellmeyer My man (were not engaged anymore) begged to see his kids, and they met up and talked. SpaceySteph Steve Kellmeyer WTH is that?! LADIES he could stand her. Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. I blocked his number, but 2-3 weeks laterhe was calling me from his job, calling me through Facebook, and calling me from a private number. He slept with a woman he believed to be on the pill. April 9, 2012, 6:25 pm, Jesus fucking christ! I will chalk you up as being an internet hairpuller.
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